Attempted Suicide (A review of Death Sauce)

Everyone, meet Jersey Death - an insanely hot sauce from Blair. Not exactly the Hottest Sauce In The World, but just about as hot as one can attempt to consume before loosing one's mind.

This bad boy is rated with a Scoville Score of 360,000. Compared to Blair's 16 Million Reserve's rating of 16,000,000 (That's of pure Capsaicin, and chemically impossible to be any hotter), Jersey Death seem to pale in comparison. How hot can 360,000 be?

On that mere comparison alone, I scoffed at it's impotence as my brother ordered it from Chile Farm. They categorised it under Untouchables. Bah! Thai/Indian food is just mild for me. I eat CiliPadi by the bowl in one seating. I snigger at people who can't take Nando's Fiery Hot Peri-Peri chicken. How hot can some Mat Salleh sauce be?

I understimated Death. A mistake I paid for dearly later. A lesson in Humility.

....


The first thing that I notice when the sauce arrived was it's colourful, cartoonish packaging. A failed attempt at trying to look frightening, I would assume. Sorta like a clown in a halloween costume.




Dedecked with ample warning labels, it corroborated my belief that they're just trying too hard to scare you shitless. Playing the psychology game - if you think it's freaking hot, your tongue will burn no matter what. (Hah! how wrong I was)


It even came with a complimentary skull key chain! (Note: if you remove the plastic wrapping around the cap, the key-chain comes off, killing that scary outlook Blair tried so hard to establish. Instead, use a knife and cut around the base of the cap, and remove only the top portion of the wrapper)


Then I had a good look at the content. Bottled Magma from the Hell! I was starting to get worried at this point.


My brother and I took a good whiff, and got the first preview of what we're about to put ourselves thru. The smell really hit the spot. All my doubts started to dissolve, and was replaced by anticipation, worry, and a faint but nagging feeling of regret.


With a growing respect for this Bottle of Death, we decided not to pour out the content... just in case. Using a clean Satay stick, I gave the contents a good stir. When the stick was pulled out, it was covered in bloody red goo.


Scraped the sauce off the stick into a bowl, and we got about four drops. "so little ah? Where got syiok?!", I wondered aloud. "Don't be hasty, young grasshopper.", replied the wise brother.


Topped with two tablespoons of Medium Spicy (read, not hot at all!) Salsa dip ...


Stir well ...


... suicide is served!


Hasty (and still underestimating the sauce), I scooped a reasonable huge dollop of the mix onto my tortilla.


Here goes nothing!

Oh Man!!! Everything's fine at first, but withing seconds, my tongue burning. As I swallowed, I could feel the burning sensation flowing down the throat and into my stomach. If I once had worms or germs or whatever in my digestion track, now no more liao! Muahahaha!!

It was amazing! Makes you feel so alive!

After the first mothful went down, the spicyness still lingered on my tongue. Even my saliva tasted spicy after. The spot where the sauce accidentally touch my lips was sore and "pulsating", the kinda feeling you get about 5 minutes after you accidentally scalded yourself on the wok/iron/kettle.

Then my sinuses/nose started to water, forehead started sweating, I started swearing ... and then I began craving for more!!

This is good shit man!


Of course, the more we ate, the less we could stand the spiciness. Had to tame the beast by mixing in more Salsa, and eating it with cheese (which turned out to be a great combination!).


Attempted to put out the flame that was devouring out tongues, but a 2 litre bottle of Irn Bru wasn't enough.


Milk did a better job, and with it's help, we conquered the FOUR PUNY DROPS of Blair's Jersey Death Sauce.



... the end?

No. Don't forget - What goes in must come out! After stirring up a storm in my bowels for a whole day, it finally came out, and I had to relive the whole experience ... from the other end! Ouch!

Was it worth it? Absolutely!



Jersey Death Sauce - the only Death that makes your feel more Alive!!!

Next sauce I would love to try? Blair's 3am Reserve (scoville score of about 2million - that's equivalent to Pepper Spray!).

(Shoutout to Aizuddin for linking to the teaser post of this entry)